OOTD – Pretty In Pink

Hey guys. So im just here for a quick ootd. I absolutely LOVE this outfit

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Everything shown here came from a store called Playto’s Closet. If you have one in your area and you haven’t been to it yet I would just like to say, YOU NEED TO GO.  This is my new favorite clothing store. We all known how cheap I am, and fashion on a budget is like my religion. All pants and shirts/blouses were in between 6 to 8 dollars.  And shoes were around 12 dollars.  Its not like a regular thrift shop either, everything is only slightly used and fashion foward. I found pieces that are softer and also a bit edgier. So theres something for all styles. Its fabulous.
The blouse was 4 dollars, the leggings were 6, and the shoes were 10 dollars.  I already owned the pink tank top underneath

Therapy Troubles

My god, something that I’ve come to realise the past couple of days is just how hard it’s become to get involved with a new therapist. I didnt get a referal because apparently you dont need them for therapy any more (thats what I was told, but I didnt know how much easier it would make things). Ive had a therapist before but that was set up for me through my school when my guidance councelor saw my cuts (this was years ago) so this was the first time that ive ever had to call around and do these things by myself MY GOODNESS ITS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. Everywhere I called either a) doesnt take my insurance or b) 90% of these places wouldnt answer the freaking phone. Whats up with that? I kept getting answering manchines. Whats even worse is how they NEVER CALL YOU BACK.
And Americans wonder why the suicide rate is getting so high, look what happens when we try to get legit help. Its ridiculous.
I guess when I get home from school im going to try to call around to some more places again today. Fingers crossed, guys. ●

love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.

“Fucking Schizzo”

So after this whole experience, after going to the mental hospital, showing my family my cuts and being honest with everyone, one thing that I’ve really really learned is to just start being honest. If you have a mental disorder, you’re not going to be able to get help unless you admit you have a problem and tell someone about it.  So finally I’ve spilled the final pot of beans, I hear voices. I’ve never told anyone before yesterday so sharing it here was like, a gigantor step. I just opened up to my mom and confided in her. We talked about everything wrong with me, from depression all the way to my possible schizophrenia. It felt nice to finally be able to let something out that I’ve been holding back for many years and I think mom and I are even getting a lot closer now that I’m opening up.  It feels really nice.

NEW TUMBLR.

follows much appreciated.

kaiamichelle.tumblr.com  

Scratches Aren’t Self Harm

Well loves, yet again I am back to battle against ignorance from people on the outside making assumptions

There are just a few things I would like to put out there:

1) YOU are in no way to judge to tell someone that what they do isn’t serious enough to count as self harm. If it’s an act done to inflict pain on one’s self (no matter the severity) it constitutes as self harm

2) the fact that it is not done on the wrist means nothing. In fact, I don’t really know anybody who does it on the wrist, most people I know do it elsewhere to hide it from people. That being said, just because It’s done on the wrist means nothing as well

3) cutting is not the only form of self harm, it’s only the one that is most well known. Many other forms of self harm exist, including burning, scab picking, and even ones as far fetched as sex in the form of self harm (I’ve read on one of my follower’s blogs)

4) So what if they do it for attention? That doesn’t mean a damn. All that means is that they need people to see them, they’re begging for someone to notice them before it’s too late. Just because it’s for attention doesn’t make them any less than the people who hide it

5) NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO SELF HARM DO IT FOR ATTENTION, NOR ARE THEY “MENTALLY ILL PSYCHOPATHS” <- im sick and tired of assumptions like this, it’s disgusting.

6) The worst thing you could do is bully someone who self harms

7) You don’t know what people are going through, don’t make assumptions on anybody. You aren’t them, you don’t know what’s going through their head at any given moment (no matter how much you think you know them). Don’t let the blood of someone else’s death rest on your hands.

To all of my supporters

well, hello guys.
I know that I said that this blog was going back to beauty things but I’m debating. For now it’s going to stay on my personal life
On that note, thank you to everyone who has ever commented a positive message for me on here, they truly do mean a lot to me. I’m sad to report that I’ve relapsed back into cutting. It may not seem like a big deal but to me it is, I thought I was finally better but I guess not
It feels like these damn antidepressants haven’t began working yet. It’s been over a month, I’m losing hope.
I’m so depressed, It’s now 5pm and I’m already in bed ready to go to sleep.
I feel like a failure, I’ve let everyone down…

I’m sorry.

Im on social media!

Hey guys don’t forget to follow me on twitter and instagram both are @kaiaalove
I follow back

Disney is Ruining My Kid.

She hit the nail on the head with this one

IndeedIAm

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Disney has been ruining my kid…. a job I can do quite well on my own, thank you.

 I know, it sounds drastic.  Don’t worry, I am not going to launch into a ridiculous diatribe about how Frozen has a hidden gay agenda (huge eye roll) or is turning my girls in to glittery, sparkly princesses who need a prince to save them, (we are over that stage, thank god) or that Miley Cyrus grew up and dared to climb out of her Hannah Montana box.

In the interest of being a pretty laid back mom,  who fights against my extremely conservative upbringing, I have tried to adopt a more moderate view of the world and it’s evils.  With my girls, I am trying a more balanced approach, believing that they should not be sheltered constantly from American culture, taught to fear and judge and overreact to everything they see…

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WHATUP HOME G DOGS?

Alright guys, so first things first… im not the same person I was when I started this blog. Im… better? (For lack of a better term). My depression and anxiety is nowhere near at the place that it was. Im sorry that ive been away for so long, I thought that I was done here. But once I logged in and saw that I was still getting views and follows even after being gone for so long it made me extremely happy. I cant just delete this blog, but just a heads up the direction of it is going to change a bit. First, no more of me bitching about my problems (especially small ones), thats all in the past.
We all know that I have the secret desire to be a beauty guru so im going to give it another shot (you may laugh if I fail miserably). I’m still going to be talking about my life and stuff if you guys want to hear about it still (well, thats why over 100 of you guys are here) I’d just like feedback. Ill be back with an update and everything later
Caio x.