Lately my anxiety has been monstrous. I woke up over an hour ago (7am my time) and my anxiety was instantly through the roof, I’ve had one panic attack after another after another.
Is this normal?

crushes <3 … well, crushed

Isn’t it weird how the way crushes work? I mean, it can EASILY take you from some strong, big, badass girl with all of her protective walls up, to acting like a complete and total idiot and making a fool of yourself going all GAGA over this guy (well… or girl). I think I’ve turned. I don’t get it though, he’s not my type.
He’s my height, chubby, medium length hair. NONE of which I usually go for… but for some reason I’ve fallen like head over heels for a guy I’ve only first encountered three days ago. I hadn’t even really talked to him until today. Hmm, well rather, I talked… he nodded. It was so awkward. I made an attempt to introduce myself and we talked for a minute, but he shut down the conversation and I just gracefully (not so much. well all know I’m not capable of graceful) bowed out.

He probably thinks I’m a weirdo now…
story of my life.


Alright, so I don’t think that this even deserves a title, so this post shall officially be dubbed Nameless, like me. That’s how I feel sometimes, invisible and nameless.
My apologies for my sudden hiatus. I’ve had too much on my plate and actually had completely forgotten about this blog. When I stumbled upon the wordpress site again, I half expected for everyone to disappear. But everyone’s still here, so three cheers for loyalty from complete strangers on the internet.

Anyways, on to the update. I had a very long summer. I moved out  of my house, hooray.. now it’s less than a month later and I’m back home. I moved in with my dad… and things got to be too much. I was essentially living in a house full of strangers. Even if they’re my family, it didn’t feel like it. It’s not until you move in with someone that you realize how little you know about a person. Everyone said that my depression was a hassle. I wasn’t allowed to be in my room unless I was sleeping, and they said that they didn’t want to be around negativity all day. Figures. Everyone wants what they want how they want it. I’m getting used to that.
After a month of holding back almost every emotion I felt, you can being to see my frustrations. Eventually, I exploded and it wasn’t pretty. That’s the night I moved back and didn’t look back. I haven’t talked to them since
School started four days ago and I feel like I’m completely overwhelmed. I’m starting to see why kids are dropping out so early. I’m in three college credit classes and the rest are honors classes. I’m on a very advanced track and I want it to stop. I can’t stand this. I’m getting work piled up and piled up on me and I’m figuring everything out on my own, it’s crazy and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to handle this.

I feel like I’m always moving in slow motion, like I’m under water. I’m kind of numb, but that’s okay. When I’m numb, I’m not hurting. I know it’s only temporary but it’s good for now. I like it.
I can handle it.