My stages of mental breakdown

Today we’re going into more of an almost informative topic, for my readers that don’t experience the same things that I do.
Sometimes we get way too much inside ourselves and just don’t know how to handle it anymore, sometimes life just becomes too overwhelming and in order to cope, our minds just shut down. The mental breakdowns aren’t severe for everybody (well, compared to others) and they occur in different ways
Now keep in mind that these may vary, sometimes mine may last a couple hours, sometimes I stay this way for days

STEPS TO MY MENTAL BREAKDOWNS
*during this period I do not sleep and I rarely remember to eat*

  1. THE NUMBNESS.
    It all begins when I get this overwhelming feeling of numbness all throughout my whole body. I often describe it as a feeling of “drowning” because my body feels almost as if completely submerged in water. Everything feels as if it moves slowly, inside and out. Even my mental processes slow down, it becomes hard for me to think, especially to focus for a long time. During this time is when I get the biggest amount of mental lapses, it becomes almost as if I can’t remember hardly anything. I’ve messed myself up pretty badly while in this state. I’ve driven while in this state and that’s not safe either. I usually don’t remember being in the car or driving, I just look up and BAM I made it home. It scares me to think of how many times I’ve nearly caused and accident and didn’t even know or realize it. I don’t really drive anymore though. The hallucinations tend to hit me really really badly at this point. Oftentimes I get the same delusion, that I’m nonexistent. I actually start to think that I’m not real anymore. It’s pretty weird.
  2. THE WAKE UP
    After all of the numbness I usually approach an in-between stage where it’s like my body has been thrown into a bucket of cold water. it’s like a harsh wake up. I usually just shake down the previous feeling
  3. PANIC
    I dive right back in. I’m still hallucinating badly at this point and paranoia usually sets in here. I get paranoia over dumb things. MY delusions wear off and I get really really panicked. My anxiety sets in at maximum capacity and sometimes I even get suicidal thoughts. I never get them to the point of actually doing things, they’re usually just little thoughts or images that implant themselves into my brain and stick there for a while
  4. THE END
    And the suicidal thoughts are usually the ending marker. Then a start to level back down. I come back to reality, and for the first time since it began I make a meal and sleep. I know I made it seem really calm but in reality it’s a crazy ride for me. There’s a lot of freaking the fuck out, being scared out of my mind, and hitting myself (something I forgot to mention earlier but I think that when i hallucinate in that memory-lapse state i think i hit myself in the head in frustration. I always tend to come back out of it with a huge headache). it sucks, it really does. I’ve gotten the mental breakdowns a few times but I’ve only ever majorly experienced them twice. Both times they lasted for a few days

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. mrsabbyj
    Jun 12, 2015 @ 19:41:28

    Reblogged this on mgwebbuddy.

    Reply

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