Depression Cripples;

Where for art thou, oh loyal readers?

I’ve been gone for far too long, it seems I’ve been sent off to the looney bin again. Oh what a joyous day!
Not. I feel even worse now than before I went in. Today I was supposed to go back to school, my plan was to start getting back onto a normal schedule. Not just school, but my entire life. Anybody with Major Depressive Disorder can understand how hard something so small as scraping yourself out of bed to shower, take your medicine, and eat, ends up feeling like you’re climbing Mount Everest. Anyways, rather than going to school, I ended up in the hospital (the regular one this time). It seems that my body has decided to give up again. Believe me, I’m right there with it. My body is severely infected and I cant get my meds until Monday. WAY TO GO shitty American healthcare system.

I’ve missed this, I miss posting here, I miss my followers, the friends I’ve made. Expect posts on a regular basis again guys. I’m not quite sure what days I’m going to do (I haven’t quite gotten that far yet) BUT IM GETTIN’ THERE.

Drafting Suicide Notes (with no intention of using them)

Hey guys,

Today I picked kind of a more odd topic: Is it weird to draft suicide notes as a therapeutic outlet? I had someone send an email (keeping it anonymous) asking about my opinion on this, and of course my opinion is no! its not weird.
I like everyone to keep I mind that grieving process is different for everybody, whether you’re grieving a death, a stressful situation, or just getting through depression. Not everybody can process things smoothly, so naturally we cling to any outlet that we could possibly find and I’ve seen (and used) a very wide range of them. And let’s be honest, most of mine aren’t exactly the healthiest options for myself. Suicide notes usually aren’t about suicide (as confusing as that sounds) it’s usually about expressing how you feel, when you think nobody was ever listening before then. It’s almost like journaling in a morbid kind of way. A few months ago I was completely obsessed with this documentary on Netflix about bipolar disorder I found this one woman that said when she hit the low point of bipolar and felt very suicidal, she would always write a suicide note before she brought herself to doing anything too drastic, because she knew that after the letter was written she felt like she got everything out, and it provided enough of a distraction to where it took the edge off the suicidal urge. And it wasn’t just one or two times that she did it, she kept an entire box of these notes.
Watching that made me feel better because it was then that I realized that I did it too, I usually kept them in my journals though, when I was extremely down I would draft a suicide note in my journal and it made me feel better to express to the world everything that I kept locked inside of me for so long,
so no, I don’t think its weird. I think it’s good that you have an outlet for yourself -KJ


This post is to ANYONE in the lgbt community.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, no matter what anyone says. Don’t let religion and hateful opinions hold you back from ANYTHING. It hurts me so much to hear about all of these suicides with lgbt because people were being idiots and throwing their opinions and noses around where they didn’t belong, and it shouldn’t be like this. Our technology is forever evolving but our morals move like molasses and it’s sickening that we now have phones controlled with our eyes but the thought of two men who are madly in love getting married is an “abomination” , just hold tight though guys. People will understand some day.
Just remember that that is the problem, people don’t UNDERSTAND. I totally understand how frustrating it can be, believe me I do, but by screaming and having fights with the Christians (im not name throwing im just stating something ive seen a lot lately) we aren’t doing any good. My culinary teacher HATES my best friend and I because of how much we flaunt our gayness (jokingly) but she continuously tells us to stop because it makes her “uncomfortable”. I can tell that she HATES it but she can’t say anything much to us because that would b discrimination against students, and then I come home to an EXTREMELY homophobic grandfather that I live with (for now), I have hope. just remember that things WILL get better. it just takes time.

I love you, you have support

if anyone here needs any sort of advice about anything don’t be scared to comment and ask, I don’t bite

Acceptance (poem)

Our society is fueld off of hatred and greed
Our kids are learning to text before they can read
Led on false misconceptions of trying to succeed
But were filled up with ignorance by the age of three
You love that I’m unique?
Society, PLEASE. Save the stories
You need more reasons to judge me
But all you get is what you see
At least, that’s what I lead you to believe
I’m not selling my soul for such a small fee
Acceptance?  Fuck it, I’d rather not be.

Post coming out update, i feel amazing

Well when i posted my coming out story i said that i hadn’t heard from my family yet which scared the heck out of me because i could practically feel the judgement building up on me but i had a pretty big shock at that point. My mom and stepmom both almost made me cry (and im not a very emotional person) because they both said that they loved me more than anything and if that’s the lifestyle i’m choosing to pursue then they’re going to back me up 100%. My grandmother wasn’t quite the same though, she chooses not to discus the topic no matter how i bring it up but im not going to push it or anything. As long as shes not doing anything irrational i dont mind her ignoring me.
I took the time following this to reflect on just how lucky i am, i know a lot of people aren’t so lucky and if you’re one of those people just remember to remain strong and don’t let anything or anyone put you down, just be proud of who you are.

A story that specifically touched me was the one of Mathew Lush (gaygod on youtube, look him up hes amazing). When he came out to his mom she threw a mirror (and im talking a big heavy one) at him and she took all  of his Christmas presents back and was just so horrible to him, and yet he still  braved through it, i find him so inspirational.