As we all know, today is Valentine’s day. I’m one of those people without a Valentine to celebrate with… so my night is going to consist of Netflix, reading, and Chinese take out. Anyone else doing the same?
I refuse to allow myself to become miserable over today. I hate that I’m so socially awkward. I hate that I’m scared to leave my house. I hate that I’m so quiet… I hate that I’m so scared to get close to people. I feel like I might have been attractive enough to have a date tonight, if these hadn’t been issues for me. But tonight, I drown my sorrows in fresh baked cookies from scratch. Would anybody like to message on kik?

Depression Cripples;

Where for art thou, oh loyal readers?

I’ve been gone for far too long, it seems I’ve been sent off to the looney bin again. Oh what a joyous day!
Not. I feel even worse now than before I went in. Today I was supposed to go back to school, my plan was to start getting back onto a normal schedule. Not just school, but my entire life. Anybody with Major Depressive Disorder can understand how hard something so small as scraping yourself out of bed to shower, take your medicine, and eat, ends up feeling like you’re climbing Mount Everest. Anyways, rather than going to school, I ended up in the hospital (the regular one this time). It seems that my body has decided to give up again. Believe me, I’m right there with it. My body is severely infected and I cant get my meds until Monday. WAY TO GO shitty American healthcare system.

I’ve missed this, I miss posting here, I miss my followers, the friends I’ve made. Expect posts on a regular basis again guys. I’m not quite sure what days I’m going to do (I haven’t quite gotten that far yet) BUT IM GETTIN’ THERE.

Bulemic Stomach Problems

The past few days have been pretty rough, I fell back into the cycle.
On Saturday was my little sister’s birthday and I binged as hard as I possible could’ve, oh my gosh. It just got so out of control it was astounding. When I got home I felt completely ill and tried to sleep it off because I knew what would happen if I decided to purge so I went to sleep around 7pm. I woke back up at 11 and couldn’t “just deal with it” anymore, so I went and purged… and purged… and purged. I think I held myself hostage for about two hours doing the water cleansing in between purges (anyone with ed will know what I’m talking about) and I felt like such shit that I couldn’t go back to sleep until like 4 am. The stress physically and mentally from being thrown back into the cycle really messed with my body, I haven’t had the physical compasity to be able to properly eat the past two days, and I won’t lie, I want to binge with my everything but I start feeling really sick after eating so much as a cookie. I was in the store yesterday and I drank a cappuccino the size of a shot glass and I nearly threw up everywhere (thank god I never made it to Starbucks like I was planning to, that’d be a huge waste of a Venti sized drink).

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To Post Or Not To Post;

I don’t really know what’s going on with me lately… holy hell. I have TONS of ideas of things that I really have been wanting to post about, there’s a four page long list sitting in the back of my planner. but it’s like every time that I sit down to talk about something it just never comes out the way I want it to. When I first started here I was able to speak my mind without any sort of worry about it, because the only person I was talking to was myself. Once I gained one or two followers it was great because I then had an audience I was able to talk to (a SMALL audience). But now there’s over 160 of you guys. This is MINDBLOWING to me honestly. I started out here as a means to express myself and over time we’ve grown together (those who’ve been around since my fetus days know what I’m talking about) into a place where we come together, it’s not just me going on about my issues but more so me sharing my story and giving my advice to everyone whose asked for it. But that’s the thing, I’m scared to share my story anymore. I know 160 may not be much compared to some of the more successful blogs here but to someone who’s terrified of human contact and has trouble even getting on the phone to order pizza. I find it astounding. So thank you again to everyone who’s been around supporting me. My biggest thing is that I’m scared that my content won’t be considered good enough… but I’ve also been reminding myself that the number of followers here has only been growing. not declining. So guys I promise, I’ll be posting more. Especially starting next month I’ll be posting daily during 25 days of Christmas(:

I’ve been in class a total of 10 minutes and I’m already so bored i started looking at thinspo on instagram. here’s to shitty Wednesdays
Follow me on Insta @toofacedbarbie

Pro Mia, watch this

at first I thought that this was a prank to troll everyone with an eating disorder, but this is really cool, she’s legit about it.
I think this should have more views.

this is for the girls that think its “cool” to have an eating disorder

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