As we all know, today is Valentine’s day. I’m one of those people without a Valentine to celebrate with… so my night is going to consist of Netflix, reading, and Chinese take out. Anyone else doing the same?
I refuse to allow myself to become miserable over today. I hate that I’m so socially awkward. I hate that I’m scared to leave my house. I hate that I’m so quiet… I hate that I’m so scared to get close to people. I feel like I might have been attractive enough to have a date tonight, if these hadn’t been issues for me. But tonight, I drown my sorrows in fresh baked cookies from scratch. Would anybody like to message on kik?

Depression Cripples;

Where for art thou, oh loyal readers?

I’ve been gone for far too long, it seems I’ve been sent off to the looney bin again. Oh what a joyous day!
Not. I feel even worse now than before I went in. Today I was supposed to go back to school, my plan was to start getting back onto a normal schedule. Not just school, but my entire life. Anybody with Major Depressive Disorder can understand how hard something so small as scraping yourself out of bed to shower, take your medicine, and eat, ends up feeling like you’re climbing Mount Everest. Anyways, rather than going to school, I ended up in the hospital (the regular one this time). It seems that my body has decided to give up again. Believe me, I’m right there with it. My body is severely infected and I cant get my meds until Monday. WAY TO GO shitty American healthcare system.

I’ve missed this, I miss posting here, I miss my followers, the friends I’ve made. Expect posts on a regular basis again guys. I’m not quite sure what days I’m going to do (I haven’t quite gotten that far yet) BUT IM GETTIN’ THERE.

To Post Or Not To Post;

I don’t really know what’s going on with me lately… holy hell. I have TONS of ideas of things that I really have been wanting to post about, there’s a four page long list sitting in the back of my planner. but it’s like every time that I sit down to talk about something it just never comes out the way I want it to. When I first started here I was able to speak my mind without any sort of worry about it, because the only person I was talking to was myself. Once I gained one or two followers it was great because I then had an audience I was able to talk to (a SMALL audience). But now there’s over 160 of you guys. This is MINDBLOWING to me honestly. I started out here as a means to express myself and over time we’ve grown together (those who’ve been around since my fetus days know what I’m talking about) into a place where we come together, it’s not just me going on about my issues but more so me sharing my story and giving my advice to everyone whose asked for it. But that’s the thing, I’m scared to share my story anymore. I know 160 may not be much compared to some of the more successful blogs here but to someone who’s terrified of human contact and has trouble even getting on the phone to order pizza. I find it astounding. So thank you again to everyone who’s been around supporting me. My biggest thing is that I’m scared that my content won’t be considered good enough… but I’ve also been reminding myself that the number of followers here has only been growing. not declining. So guys I promise, I’ll be posting more. Especially starting next month I’ll be posting daily during 25 days of Christmas(:

Arguments (poem)

They tell me I’m wrong but I ignore it
its nothing that I haven’t heard 1000 times before
ive had the arguments, ive fought the fights
ive used up every word in my fucking vocabulary to describe what people who aren’t ignorant would understand with two
“im gay”
ive listened to the voice of reason which doesn’t make any damn sense to me
im unholy?
explain to me the traits of a god, because the one you preach isn’t it
what god would make me how I am just to despise me
and im starting to think that even god has been holding in too many emotions lately
because of all of the rage and hate hes expressing through us
and onto me.
When do people stop and realize that life is more than just a bribe to ignore your feelings and continue on with your day
were so fucking blinded by ourselves
you don’t notice that the people around you are falling apart
the girl that cuts herself used to love life
the homeless man on the corner of 1st and 5th used to have a family
my best friend Dylan used to be proud of the person that he was
but your judgment just got to him
and it’s too late to ever take that back.
~R.I.P Dylan Burkheart~

Masks (poem)

call me a fake
lead me astray
dont ask me to stay
just one more day
Im not ready to give
my free will
my best skills
and all to kill
a few hateful words.
I know how you feel
but im not some circus seal.
Im not an actor
nor the perfect child
maybe you’ll love me some day
it just takes a while.