To Post Or Not To Post;

I don’t really know what’s going on with me lately… holy hell. I have TONS of ideas of things that I really have been wanting to post about, there’s a four page long list sitting in the back of my planner. but it’s like every time that I sit down to talk about something it just never comes out the way I want it to. When I first started here I was able to speak my mind without any sort of worry about it, because the only person I was talking to was myself. Once I gained one or two followers it was great because I then had an audience I was able to talk to (a SMALL audience). But now there’s over 160 of you guys. This is MINDBLOWING to me honestly. I started out here as a means to express myself and over time we’ve grown together (those who’ve been around since my fetus days know what I’m talking about) into a place where we come together, it’s not just me going on about my issues but more so me sharing my story and giving my advice to everyone whose asked for it. But that’s the thing, I’m scared to share my story anymore. I know 160 may not be much compared to some of the more successful blogs here but to someone who’s terrified of human contact and has trouble even getting on the phone to order pizza. I find it astounding. So thank you again to everyone who’s been around supporting me. My biggest thing is that I’m scared that my content won’t be considered good enough… but I’ve also been reminding myself that the number of followers here has only been growing. not declining. So guys I promise, I’ll be posting more. Especially starting next month I’ll be posting daily during 25 days of Christmas(:

Life Update, I’m Quitting School

Hey guys, I just thought I would do a life update really quickly.

Depression became worse than usual, it’s completely crippling. I’ve lost drive to do anything and everything.
Insomnia no more, I sleep all through the night, and I’m still always tired when I wake up in the morning. I sleep through a lot of my extra classes (theatre, art, culinary etc.). Except there’s a few nights in a row every few weeks where anxiety won’t let me sleep. During the weekends I don’t even really go to visit my dad anymore, I like to stay home. I hate leaving my room, let alone the house. Especially to travel in a car for 30-45 minutes. I’m usually just in bed or on Netflix while I’m awake. I’ve been writing a little bit more in my journal and I started a new project, these rainbow loom things. They’re bracelets you make from little mini rubber bands. I only make the basic ones though, the singles and fishtail ones. I can’t even bother to think about attempting one of the more complicated ones, the difficulty level just stresses me out.
I almost went to see a therapist, but then I thought better of it. I want help but I’m just not ready, I’ll try again in a few weeks.

I turn 16 on June 7th, which I do happen to believe is the last day of school. I’m quitting. I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I FINALLY made that decision.
I don’t want to go to public school anymore, I’ll probably just do an online school.
I would explain why, but that’s a rant for a later blog post

Thanks for listening guys. x

Winter days (:

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Happy winter you guys. I hope everyone’s staying bundled up warm. I’m chilling by the fire with these bad boys drinking tea and writing in my journal. The perfect day (:

Helping Heal My Anxiety/Depression

Alright so I’ve mentioned before that writing helps with my depression but also it helps a lot with anxiety. Journaling can help you get out a lot of your fears and things but also can help you track triggers as well as learning more just about yourself in general. I’ve learned that healing anxiety helps more the better you TRUELY know yourself. The things you’d want to write in there are things such as sleep patterns, how you feel when you wake up, daily habits, things you think are constant and important through your day, things that occur before panic attacks, how you feel during these things. It’s not guaranteed that this will help but it’s always worth a try. I’ve been journaling for a couple weeks now and it’s helped a ton. My depression is relived a little because I don’t feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders quite as much anymore. Life still hurts but it helps me SO MUCH knowing that I can get all of those stored up emotions and problems off of my chest and without the fear of judgement from telling someone I know and without the just plain fear of speaking to a therapist, but that’s for another time.