Hey guys,
I’m sorry if the spelling is terrible on this one, I’m shaking.
Honestly, I would just like to take a second to say that it’s okay to ask for help. Friends, family, a teacher. HELL, IF NOONE ELSE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU THEN I WILL

I logged on to my account today and started scrolling through my reader to see a post called “it ends tonight”. I feel like a part of me immediately knew what this meant because I’ve written them in my journal as a promise to myself so many times. It was one of the newbie bloggers that I’ve started subscribing to lately. She was one of the ones that I’ve been meaning to comment onto one of her posts with my email so she could talk to me if she needed to

I guess it’s a little too late now.

I feel like shit, in her last post she stated how nobody was there and all of her friends lost interest in her life.
Maybe this could’ve been prevented… I don’t know

Depression is something I talk about casually around here because it’s a part of my every day life. It’s something I’ve gotten used to even though I guess you’re not supposed to. Rationally, I know that. Help is nothing to be ashamed of guys. Don’t follow in my footsteps, if you’re feeling low, please just vent to someone, if you can’t then journaling is a GREAT alternative too. Keeping it bottled up is the worst thing for you to do
If anyone needs to talk email me : iheartsumocyco@yahoo.com
I’ll respond within the day.

NEW TUMBLR.

follows much appreciated.

kaiamichelle.tumblr.com  

Scratches Aren’t Self Harm

Well loves, yet again I am back to battle against ignorance from people on the outside making assumptions

There are just a few things I would like to put out there:

1) YOU are in no way to judge to tell someone that what they do isn’t serious enough to count as self harm. If it’s an act done to inflict pain on one’s self (no matter the severity) it constitutes as self harm

2) the fact that it is not done on the wrist means nothing. In fact, I don’t really know anybody who does it on the wrist, most people I know do it elsewhere to hide it from people. That being said, just because It’s done on the wrist means nothing as well

3) cutting is not the only form of self harm, it’s only the one that is most well known. Many other forms of self harm exist, including burning, scab picking, and even ones as far fetched as sex in the form of self harm (I’ve read on one of my follower’s blogs)

4) So what if they do it for attention? That doesn’t mean a damn. All that means is that they need people to see them, they’re begging for someone to notice them before it’s too late. Just because it’s for attention doesn’t make them any less than the people who hide it

5) NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO SELF HARM DO IT FOR ATTENTION, NOR ARE THEY “MENTALLY ILL PSYCHOPATHS” <- im sick and tired of assumptions like this, it’s disgusting.

6) The worst thing you could do is bully someone who self harms

7) You don’t know what people are going through, don’t make assumptions on anybody. You aren’t them, you don’t know what’s going through their head at any given moment (no matter how much you think you know them). Don’t let the blood of someone else’s death rest on your hands.

To all of my supporters

well, hello guys.
I know that I said that this blog was going back to beauty things but I’m debating. For now it’s going to stay on my personal life
On that note, thank you to everyone who has ever commented a positive message for me on here, they truly do mean a lot to me. I’m sad to report that I’ve relapsed back into cutting. It may not seem like a big deal but to me it is, I thought I was finally better but I guess not
It feels like these damn antidepressants haven’t began working yet. It’s been over a month, I’m losing hope.
I’m so depressed, It’s now 5pm and I’m already in bed ready to go to sleep.
I feel like a failure, I’ve let everyone down…

I’m sorry.

Expolsive Depression

When I think about depression, I think about being tired. You’re exhausted, your sick of things, you don’t want to see the light you just want to be left alone. And yet, you just deal with it.
But I experienced the most terrifying bout of depression that I’ve had in my entire life. I’ve never been so scared of myself before. I was depressed, but the feelings of being done was way beyond anything I had ever experienced before in my life. I just got so frustrated. I wasn’t just depressed, I was… angry. That’s an emotion that I haven’t genuinely felt in an extremely long time. Sure, I get annoyed occasionally… but never a legit angry. And the worst part is… I don’t even know why, but then again I never do anymore.
A depressed feeling randomly came over me, nothing unusual there… but then it took a weird turn. Usually my depression takes a while to build up, but within a matter of hours it had built up and built up so heavily that I just completely lost a grip on myself. I was thinking so irrationally it was ridiculous. I started freaking out, in my mind everyone was against me. I was laying on the ground crying and trying not to scream. I was so frustrated I wanted to cut again but I’ve been doing so good about not doing it but eventually I lost control and just didn’t know what to do. I started clawing at myself because I just didn’t know what to do. The marks started swelling and burning but eventually I fell asleep and when I woke up they were gone. I slept for a couple of hours and I woke up at 3 a.m. and never got back to sleep
The following day I went to school and pretended like everything was just gravy. The past few days have been really rough but naturally I’m dealing with it. Hopefully things will get better soon though. Today I am officially an out patient at the local mental hospital. Fingers crossed, guys. X

 

The Lock Project♡

Hey guys, I’m a little bit late on this. The lock project was supposed to be done on January 10th, you were to draw different color locks (each color symbolizing something) to show peope that they arent alone.
Red-Self harm
Yellow-Bulemia
Green-anorexia
Blue-depression
Purple-anxiety
Pink-supporting
Black- suicidal

I made a bracelet instead ♥
My colors are blue, red, black, pink, and purple.
image

You Never Know

Hey guys, I just came on to spread a message really quickly.
We often times don’t stop to think about what we’re saying, and for a lot of people I’ve noticed that there seems to be NO FILTER between your brain and your mouth. I mean it’s cool to be outgoing, and speaking your mind is good but just always know that your actions have consequences. I don’t care how well you think you may know a person, chances are 9/10 times you probably have no idea what’s going on in their heads and you don’t know what they’re going through. I just really started reflecting on that yesterday when I talked to my drama teacher about getting switched out because of my social anxiety but I’m not going to lie, my depression played a huge part in it too, but anyways he said “wow, you must put up some really good masks because I would’ve never ever guessed that you’re going through that” And that’s the thing… you never know. People have been asking me questions, like 4 people asked me at lunch straight up “are you depressed?”. I would just say no and they’d shrug it off and say oh you’ve probably just had a bad week. WRONG.

It hasn’t been a bad week, it’s been a shitty last few months if anyone’s bothered to notice, but you don’t notice. You’ve only seen it the last couple weeks because that’s all I WANTED you to see… Well technically I’ve just been to low to hide it anymore, its more just about weakness now but you get where I was going. Noone knows nor suspects (openly) about what I’ve been dealing with. There’s this guy, I’ll call him Connor for the sake of this post, he bullies me and picks on me and makes me feel like shit. You know what I do? I put on a brave face and when I get home I cut, I let all of the insecurities he’s just created flow out of me at once. I bet he doesn’t know that he’s breaking me. I don’t care if he knows or not. But don’t let Connor be you. Don’t push and push someone over the edge. Even if it’s something small you’ve ever said negative to this person for the first time, you don’t know what’s going on in their head or what they just went through no matter how happy they appear to be. Don’t let the blood of someone else’s death rest on your hands.