As we all know, today is Valentine’s day. I’m one of those people without a Valentine to celebrate with… so my night is going to consist of Netflix, reading, and Chinese take out. Anyone else doing the same?
I refuse to allow myself to become miserable over today. I hate that I’m so socially awkward. I hate that I’m scared to leave my house. I hate that I’m so quiet… I hate that I’m so scared to get close to people. I feel like I might have been attractive enough to have a date tonight, if these hadn’t been issues for me. But tonight, I drown my sorrows in fresh baked cookies from scratch. Would anybody like to message on kik?

Depression Cripples;

Where for art thou, oh loyal readers?

I’ve been gone for far too long, it seems I’ve been sent off to the looney bin again. Oh what a joyous day!
Not. I feel even worse now than before I went in. Today I was supposed to go back to school, my plan was to start getting back onto a normal schedule. Not just school, but my entire life. Anybody with Major Depressive Disorder can understand how hard something so small as scraping yourself out of bed to shower, take your medicine, and eat, ends up feeling like you’re climbing Mount Everest. Anyways, rather than going to school, I ended up in the hospital (the regular one this time). It seems that my body has decided to give up again. Believe me, I’m right there with it. My body is severely infected and I cant get my meds until Monday. WAY TO GO shitty American healthcare system.

I’ve missed this, I miss posting here, I miss my followers, the friends I’ve made. Expect posts on a regular basis again guys. I’m not quite sure what days I’m going to do (I haven’t quite gotten that far yet) BUT IM GETTIN’ THERE.

Here’s the the holidays (handling stress)

Well guys, in advance I’d like to give everybody here a big round of applause for all of the complete bullshit that we’re about to be enduring for the next two months. It’s that time of the year again: THE HOLIDAYS.
Due to Thanksgiving day, food preparation, Christmas, gift buying, black Friday shopping, family coordinating, nanowrimo, and endless amounts of projects and added homework because teachers think that you have absolutely nothing better to do, the holidays can be rough, and they most likely will be.

Handling the stress
1)The key here is mostly just so acknowledge that it’s tough and acknowledge that there’s going to be a problem (although that doesn’t mean to dwell on it) so that you’re not in complete shock when things don’t turn out the way that you think they will
2)If you’re feeling overwhelmed don’t keep it bottled up. You’re going to most likely want the holidays to be an enjoyable time for everybody, and you don’t want that big explosion (I hate to tell you, its inevitable) to happen on a big holiday or when you’re with the people you love. Don’t be scared to take some time for yourself. In the middle of a busy week? Spend the night having a long bubble bath and a spa night, even if that just consists of pouring soap into your bath and a 99 cent face mask from the drug store.
3) PREPLAN PREPLAN PREPLAN. If you don’t already own a planner then this would be the time of the year to go buy one. Don’t try to just procrastinate and plan everything on the fly, that usually just ends up horribly for everybody. Work on time management and prioritizing your tasks, this Is a really important step

and finally 4) don’t push your limits. You know what you can handle and can’t handle. Don’t like everybody push you around into doing things that you don’t know if you’ll be able to take on. Don’t be scared to ask for help, we all need it sometimes

Happy Holidays in advance everybody, -KJ

Nameless

Alright, so I don’t think that this even deserves a title, so this post shall officially be dubbed Nameless, like me. That’s how I feel sometimes, invisible and nameless.
My apologies for my sudden hiatus. I’ve had too much on my plate and actually had completely forgotten about this blog. When I stumbled upon the wordpress site again, I half expected for everyone to disappear. But everyone’s still here, so three cheers for loyalty from complete strangers on the internet.

Anyways, on to the update. I had a very long summer. I moved out  of my house, hooray.. now it’s less than a month later and I’m back home. I moved in with my dad… and things got to be too much. I was essentially living in a house full of strangers. Even if they’re my family, it didn’t feel like it. It’s not until you move in with someone that you realize how little you know about a person. Everyone said that my depression was a hassle. I wasn’t allowed to be in my room unless I was sleeping, and they said that they didn’t want to be around negativity all day. Figures. Everyone wants what they want how they want it. I’m getting used to that.
After a month of holding back almost every emotion I felt, you can being to see my frustrations. Eventually, I exploded and it wasn’t pretty. That’s the night I moved back and didn’t look back. I haven’t talked to them since
School started four days ago and I feel like I’m completely overwhelmed. I’m starting to see why kids are dropping out so early. I’m in three college credit classes and the rest are honors classes. I’m on a very advanced track and I want it to stop. I can’t stand this. I’m getting work piled up and piled up on me and I’m figuring everything out on my own, it’s crazy and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to handle this.

I feel like I’m always moving in slow motion, like I’m under water. I’m kind of numb, but that’s okay. When I’m numb, I’m not hurting. I know it’s only temporary but it’s good for now. I like it.
I can handle it.

WHATUP HOME G DOGS?

Alright guys, so first things first… im not the same person I was when I started this blog. Im… better? (For lack of a better term). My depression and anxiety is nowhere near at the place that it was. Im sorry that ive been away for so long, I thought that I was done here. But once I logged in and saw that I was still getting views and follows even after being gone for so long it made me extremely happy. I cant just delete this blog, but just a heads up the direction of it is going to change a bit. First, no more of me bitching about my problems (especially small ones), thats all in the past.
We all know that I have the secret desire to be a beauty guru so im going to give it another shot (you may laugh if I fail miserably). I’m still going to be talking about my life and stuff if you guys want to hear about it still (well, thats why over 100 of you guys are here) I’d just like feedback. Ill be back with an update and everything later
Caio x.

I think I might be bipolar. / I’m taking a huge step

Hey guys, so I know that I haven’t posted much other than my last couple of rants (take that society!) but I’ve had a lot on my mind. On the bright side, I think that I may have FINALLY gotten a few things straightened out to where they make sense in my head. I think that I might be bipolar. If you know me, you would know that I absolutely hate to self diagnose anything because I begin getting paranoid about stuff but this time it’s different, I feel like I might’ve finally found some sort of an explanation for this.
It explains why some times I’m extremely hyper and everyone’s best friend and why other times I become so down that doing anything at all no matter how simple seems completely impossible (the depression phases are the worst). I thought that there was just something wrong with me to be honest. Like when I would lash out and be a complete bitch to people a lot of the time and really not even know why. I feel like this might be a way to finally explain it to myself so I did a little research. Social anxiety is also really common with this sort of thing as well
I’m 15 almost 16, does anyone know if it might be too late for symptoms to show in me? I’ve been like this since I was about 13/14 that I can remember.
But I always thought that it was just average teen hormones. My mom was quick to disagree because of the extent of how dramatic things are.
I guess I’ll find out soon though because… *drumroll*

Kaia decided to put aside her foolish pride for a while and on the 22nd I have an appointment with my primary care doctor to set me up with a therapist. I’m finally taking the first step. I just want to say a huge thank you to all of my followers that have been here for me and commented with all of your support, you guys have really helped me and encouraged me to finally get a little bit of help. I love you all ❤

~kaia

Life Update, I’m Quitting School

Hey guys, I just thought I would do a life update really quickly.

Depression became worse than usual, it’s completely crippling. I’ve lost drive to do anything and everything.
Insomnia no more, I sleep all through the night, and I’m still always tired when I wake up in the morning. I sleep through a lot of my extra classes (theatre, art, culinary etc.). Except there’s a few nights in a row every few weeks where anxiety won’t let me sleep. During the weekends I don’t even really go to visit my dad anymore, I like to stay home. I hate leaving my room, let alone the house. Especially to travel in a car for 30-45 minutes. I’m usually just in bed or on Netflix while I’m awake. I’ve been writing a little bit more in my journal and I started a new project, these rainbow loom things. They’re bracelets you make from little mini rubber bands. I only make the basic ones though, the singles and fishtail ones. I can’t even bother to think about attempting one of the more complicated ones, the difficulty level just stresses me out.
I almost went to see a therapist, but then I thought better of it. I want help but I’m just not ready, I’ll try again in a few weeks.

I turn 16 on June 7th, which I do happen to believe is the last day of school. I’m quitting. I’ve been thinking about it for a while but I FINALLY made that decision.
I don’t want to go to public school anymore, I’ll probably just do an online school.
I would explain why, but that’s a rant for a later blog post

Thanks for listening guys. x

Opinons on tattoos?

Alright so I turn 16 on June 7th and my mom has been talking about letting me go and get my first tattoo, (I got my first piercing on my 15th birthday) and I just don’t know about it. I have a really cute concept and tattoo idea and stuff but im scared of a few things

1) the tattoo artist messing up

2) me regretting it

3) NEEDLES.

 

The only reason I’d regret it is because the tattoo artist messed up, my idea is to get a flower on my foot, im getting a rose to match one that my mom is about to get on her back, it’s going to be a colorful two- tone flower with probably aqua blue and pink. Does anyone think it sounds cute? I mean I personally don’t think I’m too young, its at an easy place to cover up and my boyfriend has already had his first one too so idk. Opinions anyone?