My stages of mental breakdown

Today we’re going into more of an almost informative topic, for my readers that don’t experience the same things that I do.
Sometimes we get way too much inside ourselves and just don’t know how to handle it anymore, sometimes life just becomes too overwhelming and in order to cope, our minds just shut down. The mental breakdowns aren’t severe for everybody (well, compared to others) and they occur in different ways
Now keep in mind that these may vary, sometimes mine may last a couple hours, sometimes I stay this way for days

STEPS TO MY MENTAL BREAKDOWNS
*during this period I do not sleep and I rarely remember to eat*

  1. THE NUMBNESS.
    It all begins when I get this overwhelming feeling of numbness all throughout my whole body. I often describe it as a feeling of “drowning” because my body feels almost as if completely submerged in water. Everything feels as if it moves slowly, inside and out. Even my mental processes slow down, it becomes hard for me to think, especially to focus for a long time. During this time is when I get the biggest amount of mental lapses, it becomes almost as if I can’t remember hardly anything. I’ve messed myself up pretty badly while in this state. I’ve driven while in this state and that’s not safe either. I usually don’t remember being in the car or driving, I just look up and BAM I made it home. It scares me to think of how many times I’ve nearly caused and accident and didn’t even know or realize it. I don’t really drive anymore though. The hallucinations tend to hit me really really badly at this point. Oftentimes I get the same delusion, that I’m nonexistent. I actually start to think that I’m not real anymore. It’s pretty weird.
  2. THE WAKE UP
    After all of the numbness I usually approach an in-between stage where it’s like my body has been thrown into a bucket of cold water. it’s like a harsh wake up. I usually just shake down the previous feeling
  3. PANIC
    I dive right back in. I’m still hallucinating badly at this point and paranoia usually sets in here. I get paranoia over dumb things. MY delusions wear off and I get really really panicked. My anxiety sets in at maximum capacity and sometimes I even get suicidal thoughts. I never get them to the point of actually doing things, they’re usually just little thoughts or images that implant themselves into my brain and stick there for a while
  4. THE END
    And the suicidal thoughts are usually the ending marker. Then a start to level back down. I come back to reality, and for the first time since it began I make a meal and sleep. I know I made it seem really calm but in reality it’s a crazy ride for me. There’s a lot of freaking the fuck out, being scared out of my mind, and hitting myself (something I forgot to mention earlier but I think that when i hallucinate in that memory-lapse state i think i hit myself in the head in frustration. I always tend to come back out of it with a huge headache). it sucks, it really does. I’ve gotten the mental breakdowns a few times but I’ve only ever majorly experienced them twice. Both times they lasted for a few days

Why We Shouldn’t Judge Strangers (Acacia Brenly Clark)

I hate to jump on this bandwagon, I mean we all know that I’m not one to join in on drama, namely the drama over the internet but I really had a few passionate thoughts or things to say. I’m not bringing this up to either defend nor hate on her but can we all just take a step back and use this as a learning experience? Here’s the question: why do people hate on Acacia Clark so much?

There’s been some controversy all over YouTube, all the way from passive aggressive comments made through the twitter feed down the just downright nasty and hatful comments left on her YouTube page. Why is this? There’s been a lot of accusations thrown around on this girl: she fakes mental disorders, she fakes self harming, she gives her number to too many guys, she uses men, and that she Photoshops her body.
Alright,
1) my comment on the last three things that I named is WHO THE HELL CARES? This is a seventeen year old girl, who gives a damn what she does in her spare time? Do any of us spend enough time with her to know what really goes on or if any of this even really happens? If she does it, maybe she has a valid reason? Even if you know her in real life, do you know every intimate detail of her being and her thoughts enough to accurately pass a judgement? I say this time and time again on here and we all know it, YOU DONT KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN SOMEONE ELSES HEAD.

2)  Which brings me to the next point of “faking” mental illness. She came out in a video talking about her social anxiety and I personally admire her for it. Talking about any sort of a mental illness on the internet is fucking terrifying ESPECIALLY on YouTube, I’ve been getting questions lately on why I’m on wordpress instead of YouTube and this right here would be my primary reason. social anxiety has left me terrified of being in front of a camera except for the occasional selfie, Laura Lejuene (you should check out her channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/Downtownpatrol)  has made a point that I really like: when someone has a mental illness of any sort, days are not always the same/ equal, some days are easier than others. Just because I’m not able to even look at myself in the mirror some days doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to film a full video and post 100000 instagram selfies tomorrow. This is what leads me to believe that she’s not faking it. People made comments that the things she described in her video did not fit the description for social anxiety but to everyone who’s raised this concern to me I have told them all the same exact thing “so that must mean that you specifically are Acacia’s therapist or some other form of a mental health professional who’s spent many many years of your life studying these things in order to properly diagnose her? no? okay then. Mental illness does not have one set of specific guidelines that means the same exact thing in every little aspect for everybody in the world with that illness. And to the person that said that you can’t have a mental illness without being diagnosed, you are COMPLETELY mistaken and I feel bad for you if you believe that. thousands if not hundreds of thousands of cases of mental illness of every form from minor to severe go undiagnosed every year, either due to the fact that the person does not have any sort of resources to be able to go to the proper therapist to be able to diagnosed, or they’re simply just too scared to be able to come out and say things about these issues that they’re having, that being said, anxiety disorders are extremely common (especially In this day in age) so it’s not unlikely that she may very well have an anxiety disorder, the same goes for her claim of having depression. But then again, I’m not a trained professional so I am in no way qualified to diagnose her either way.
Here’s a link to her Social Anxiety video so that you can make your own opinion : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADWANrC_0m0

3) I’m not a fan of faking self harm and I’m not saying that she did or she didn’t, (but then again, even if she was faking it, that would make it for attention right? so then wouldn’t we want to help a mentally unstable person who’s practically begging for attention/help). I’m in the same boat as every body else reading this (unless you’re Acaia) I don’t know her and I don’t know what she does. Frankly it’s nobody’s business but herself and her family’s. Apparently her mother came out and said that they were real, that doesn’t make a difference to me. To myself as well as everybody else reading this, we shouldn’t care unless it’s to wish her well, which everybody should be doing anyways honestly. Just like with the bullying, we’ll all feel really fucking bad when the constant abuse and the lack of good word leads to something drastic such as suicide, then all of the attackers want to act like the victim like they wish they had the chance to take back everything they’ve said to her

And I think that the biggest issues that I’m having right now is the fact that all of my citations here are based on “I read this here” or “I heard this in a video”, I mean honestly guys, why must we attack strangers. In what way have her actions had absolutely ANY involvement to your own personal well being or your everyday life. I’m not here to say that what I think that she’s done is right or wrong, I’m here saying that can we just please back off of this girl a little? Everyone talks about how bad cyberbullying is, but I think we’ve all started to blur the lines between sharing our opinions and just down right being a bully, you’re hurting people weather you realize it or not, -KJ